Thanks, Bubba. I did a lot of searching about and discovered that Zend and Xcache cannot peacefully co-exist in the same php.ini, thus causing IonCube to seem like it is working, but is not. Seems Zend will not work with the xcache people on this issue, either. So what xcache says is to try commenting out Zend lines. Well I did. Two of them, the top and the bottom, leaving the one with the xcache.so statement running. And it works.
I have commented Zend out in the past and have never really seen much in the way of a performance difference. I suspect that is because not much Joomla code is Zend-optimized, except for maybe Phil Taylor's components and we are not going to be using them on the new site.
So all is running well now, a lot of it due to your luverly script. DH should really do the right thing, give you some money and integrate that script into the PS control panel.
You done good, my son.