This is going to sound silly, but

how the heck do I sign up?
I can’t for the life of me find an option on the site that says “Buy Hosting.”

I’d like to click that, if someone can point out to me where it is.

On the website there is a form to fill out to start your free two week trial. It asks for your e-mail and for you to create a password and click start now. What happens after that I do not know since I have been here for years already and the website got redesigned (and i hate it)

Then the ‘free trial’ is the only way to start up hosting?
Where do promo codes come in, in that case?

have you tried to sign up and see?

You should be asked for a promo code at the time of signup. It’s just not applied to your account until the free trial ends.

Awesome, thank you.