Is there any way to reach Dreamhost support other than submitting a ticket saying the “we’re all on fire” and waiting for hours and hours while my clients are unable to email me and business is being lost?

Unless you have a plan with callback support, then the best you can do is to submit a support ticket and make sure to select the option called “OMG PEOPLE ARE DYING”.

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Well if you are actually on fire I’d recommend calling your local emergency number. Dreamhost is not a fire department.

I don’t see that in their products page hmm…