I suppose I should just have it removed.
Anyway, I can vaguely recall someone (either here on on Wiki) posting a solution to the “No input file specified.” problem when running PHP under a custom-compiled CGI when a page is missing to point to custom 404 page.
Provided I’m not entire mistaken (which I may well be), if someone would be so very kind as to point me at the pertinent post/Wiki page, I would be ever-so grateful.
I am not entirely sure, but I think the thread linked below is the one you are looking for.
Mark
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Thanks for the thread, but none of those gave me anything but a 500 misconfig. I finally reached my critical mass on caffeine intake this morning and managed to scrounge up the Wiki article:
http://wiki.dreamhost.com/index.php/Creating_custom_error_pages
…which gave me the .htaccess rewrite rules I needed (…and much happiness and joy).
Now maybe I’ll go and re-tune the kernel on the $DAYJOB’s primary HP server just to cause me some real mayhem. 
Good thing it’s Friday - can’t image what’d happen if I was this brain-dead on a Monday.
Oops, nix that. Doesn’t work normally with .php files. 
yerba# rm -rf /etc
yerba#