I just got off the phone with AOL support. As others my email forwards to AOL accounts are getting bounced, even though each of these people have called AOL and asked them to put our non-profit group on their whitelist.
When I contacted Dreamhost about the problem, after several rounds, the support rep said that the spammers are hitting the Dreamhost MX records directly and that there is nothing that they can do about it.
Today I talked with AOL about the problem. After about 30 minutes on the phone and talking to a few people, the AOL rep said that there is nothing they can do to "fix" the problems. He said that they feel DreamHost is responsible and that DreamHost is not doing enough to stop spammers who are DreamHost customers. He said that AOL cannot distinguish between DreamHost customer responsible for spam and those who are not...
So this sounds like a classic case of fingerpointing... though I don't think either vendor seems to be taking their customer impact serious enough. I know that AOL will be lossing several customers who are on our board of directors.